so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch