Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
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I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
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The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM