fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?