My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker