haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.