TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
