I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
