I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
