i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
