Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
