You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
