mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
