How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
