I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
