the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
