u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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