Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize