this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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