omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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