Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
