So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
whose parrot is this?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My vagina is very pro this idea
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I woke up under a house in Key West
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