All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
