Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
