Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She even gives head with a lisp.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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