pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
