there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
