What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
