im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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