I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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