Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
