my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
