There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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