It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
