I think my fart just growled at me.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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