This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
