so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
