im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
