I wannas sexs uuuuu
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize