I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
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I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
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I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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