I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
