thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
