ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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