I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
