I wish I could punch you in the face.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
