i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
