Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
