i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
