My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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