She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
