There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
