There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Randomize
