We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
