i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
