I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
