i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
