Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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