First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
