Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
True strength comes from lack of pants
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
