i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
