her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
