I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
