I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
