She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
