margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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